I’m convinced about the benefits of no socials but my teen is not. What do I do?
- Have a conversation explaining the WHY and that you are on their team. “We love you so much and we want the best for you. We have read stories and know people whose kids have been very damaged by social media. We’re not saying no forever, but we are saying no for now.” - Plan gatherings with the other families in your group. Doing the social media delay with other families lends so much credibility to it. Make it fun - have your group over for pizza, s’mores in the backyard or ghosts in the graveyard in the park. Grab a meal before the football game.
How can I introduce more fun into my child’s life to replace the screens?
- Be a “YES” parent! “Yes, you can have 6 friends over after school on Friday.” “Yes, I’ll take you & your friends to the football game.” “Yes, I’ll take you to caution tape Kyle’s house.” - Explain the goal to your child: “This world is an exciting place and we’re going to work together to find some things you really love to do - time with friends, serving the community, art, riding bikes, walking pets, or having a lemonade stand to raise money for charity.” (The more these activities involve other people, the better.)
Without screen time, I’m afraid my kid is going to get really bored. How can I help my child engage with the real world?
Kids need meaningful activities and responsibility in the real world for optimal growth. Some ideas include: - Plan tech-free outdoor playtime with other kids. The more independence they can have, the better. - Give them more responsibility. Tweens and teens feel good about themselves when they have responsibility and make a contribution. Could they plan a meal, buy the ingredients and then prepare it? Gather the house trash weekly and take it to the curb? Could they mow the yard, bag leaves or weed the flower beds? When they are 16, they can work retail or fast food. - Help them find a phone or Facetime pal. Is there someone they could regularly connect with - a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin or a camp friend? A regular phone call could be mutually beneficial for both. - Get to know your neighbors and make friends outside of school. - Help them discover a new hobby or pastime. Is there a weekly practice or class they could try? Do they want some new art or craft supplies or a skateboard? - Don’t answer for your child when they’re asked a question. - Insist they order for themselves at a restaurant or manage their plate in the buffet line. - Let them go on errands with you and ask for help at the store. - Tell them you believe in their future and that they will have what it takes to lead a fulfilling life. - Don’t tell them they’re shy, incapable, or the like. - Equip them to handle discomfort: don’t text or email them back right away & don’t bail them out when something gets difficult.
Not having a smart phone/socials sounds really great, but I like to get in touch with my kid.
- It’s true there are some costs to your kid not having a smart phone and socials, but it’s well worth the payoff for your child. Remind them they can use the phone in the school office or ask to use a trusted adult’s phone. -Remember this: 98% of the time they are going to be 25 feet or less from someone whose phone they can borrow. You may have to establish that ahead of time. “Mrs. Brown said you could use her phone anytime at the carnival.”